I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
