I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
