My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love you.
Bad choice
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