At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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