Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
