Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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