Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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