A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
