The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize