After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
