Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
