Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
