So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
