I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
