In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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