i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
