apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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