I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
