Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
