in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
