So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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