You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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