STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
