WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
