i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
