I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
