every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
