Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
