Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
