I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i need to put some appletini on your dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
