matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
