You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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