If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
