I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
