My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize