I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How does one acquire holy water?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
