Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
