I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
