I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Randomize
