your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
