'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
