i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
