i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
