i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
