I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
