All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
