i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this just has baby written all over it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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