Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
