i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
