I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The air was thick with penises
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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