What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
