Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
