wrigley field is MILF paradise
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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