On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
