I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
