I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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