They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
