i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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