I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
