I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
