They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
