girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
