I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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