I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
