drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
