the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize