bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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