I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
