five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
