Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
