Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize