kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize