I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
